When Inclusion Feels Selective
Family gatherings often reveal dynamics that are difficult to ignore. One experience that many middle-class women and girls may relate to is discovering that a dress code has been planned among relatives, yet somehow, they were never informed about it.
As the function begins, everyone arrives dressed according to the agreed theme, creating a sense of unity and belonging. Then comes the uncomfortable question from someone: “Why aren’t you wearing the dress code?”
In that moment, embarrassment replaces excitement. We find ourselves searching for an answer, wondering why we were left out of the conversation in the first place.
Was it simply an oversight? Or did they assume we would not be interested, unable to participate, or unwilling to spend money on new clothes? We may never know the real reason. However, the feeling of exclusion remains difficult to ignore.
Situations like these teach lessons that are rarely spoken about. They make us question where we truly stand in certain relationships. Over time, some people begin to accept that not every relative sees them as an important part of the family circle. As a result, they may choose to attend only those functions hosted by relatives who genuinely value their presence and would sincerely miss them if they were absent.
Interestingly, the same discomfort is often absent when attending a friend’s family function. There, acceptance feels natural and effortless. Nobody measures our worth by the price of our clothes, the jewellery we wear, or our financial background.
A simple, neat outfit is enough. Our presence matters more than our appearance.
Yet, within some family circles, there can be an unspoken expectation to dress grandly, wear expensive ornaments, and maintain a certain image before being fully included in conversations and social interactions. While not everyone behaves this way, such experiences can leave a lasting impression.
Sometimes, a single-family event is enough to change our perception of people. We arrive with excitement, hoping to reconnect and create happy memories. We leave with a deeper understanding of who genuinely values us and who merely acknowledges us out of obligation.
However, these experiences should not lead us to develop bitterness or resentment. Instead, they can serve as reminders of what truly matters in life.
There is absolutely nothing shameful about being a middle-class girl or woman. Our worth is not determined by branded clothes, expensive jewellery, or social status. It is reflected in our character, education, hard work, and the values we carry with us.
Rather than spending our energy trying to impress relatives who judge people based on status, we can focus on building meaningful lives for ourselves and supporting the families who have stood by us. Education, personal growth, financial independence, and self-respect are far more valuable than temporary approval from others.
Family functions are only one small part of life. Happiness can be found in countless other experiences—travelling within our means, spending time with loved ones, creating memories with friends, pursuing hobbies, and celebrating simple moments that bring genuine joy.
As we work towards improving our lives, we should also take time to appreciate the people who truly value us. Every family has individuals who treat others with kindness, respect, and sincerity regardless of status or wealth. These are the relationships worth nurturing.
At the end of the day, genuine affection cannot be bought, and true relationships are not built on social standing. The people who accept us as we are deserve our time, appreciation, and gratitude.
Those are the connections that make life meaningful, and those are the people who remind us that respect should never depend on status.